Rage Running

26 05 2010

Today’s run was terrible. Not because of my pace, or because I was in pain, but because I was angry and instead of using my run to calm my rage I focused on it and let it consume me.

Why was I angry? Because my dog had a major accident while I was at work. Now he is usually very well potty trained but this is not the first time he has had this problem since I started working again, and despite his other incidents I stupidly believe it won’t happen again because I don’t want to kennel him all day. And for my stupidity I am rewarded with hours of cleaning in an attempt to try to get poo stains out of my carpet. When I got home and saw what had happened I was so angry I wanted to scream and cry all at the same time. Of course I have no one to scream at or cry to because even if I did scream at the dog he wouldn’t understand I was upset at something he did hours ago. So instead I decided to run.

This probably would have worked if I didn’t out of guilt for leaving him home alone all day take Jaxson, the source of my anger, with me. Every time Jaxson pulled or needed to stop to pee I was reminded of why I was angry and it just increased my anger. Now not only was I angry at him for his accident but for pulling me in a direction I didn’t want to go, or for trying to sniff the dog we were passing. Four miles was never so miserable.

I am calming down now slowly as I write this, but even still I want to cry with frustration and so I apologize for ranting to you unknown readers but I have no one here in Reno to talk to and I need an outlet for my pent-up emotions. Next time I will just leave my dog at home and run away from the anger but for now I will just live with writing it away and moving on to tomorrow with the optimism and motivation I know I have deep down inside me.

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